five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
