he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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