no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
