So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
