There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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