she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my poor anus
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
