I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i barfeds in our rink
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
