Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
