I can text with my tongue
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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