I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
