yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
