We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
