i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
