I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
