What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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