So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
