Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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