Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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