That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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