with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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