sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
