I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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