dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
