Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
