she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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