I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
