Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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