I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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