I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
