you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
