Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
