My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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