Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
