i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
