I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
