I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
