Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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