idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
