We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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