And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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