the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My vagina just recognized that song.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
