you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
