i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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