a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Randomize
