Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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