i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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