You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
