but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
