The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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