she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
