You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
