Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
