it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
