Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
